Breastfeeding realities to plan for

Photo by RODNAE Productions on

As a first-time parent, I absorbed that “breast is best” for the baby. Exclusive breastfeeding is the US dietary guideline for infants 6 months and under.

But only 1 in 4 babies is fed this way. And the American College of Ob/Gyns notes that more than ½ of new moms wean before they had planned to.

So there’s a gap between the promise of breastfeeding and the reality many new moms face. 

And when I hear about a gap between the excitement and on-the-ground experience of something, I’ve found a helpful tool for understanding it: A Gartner Hype Cycle. 

For background, the Gartner Hype Cycle is used to help strategic planners understand the uptake of new technology, like blockchain or augmented reality. 

The Hype Cycle distills media hype from the realities of the technology’s usefulness. 

Specifically, Gartner evaluates: 

  • Expectations (x-axis): The anticipated promise of the given technology’s performance
  • Time (y-axis): Actual value experienced over time 

From here, Gartner charts 5 phases of a technology’s “life cycle,” which I drew below, ranging from initial excitement to disillusionment to eventually finding a staple equilibrium of how the technology makes sense to adopt. 

4th mom memos drawing of Gartner's hype cycle
Source: My drawing of the Gartner Hype Cycle

By understanding where your company is at on the adoption journey, the mapping suggests when to avoid giving up too soon. And when to stop hanging on too long because the value isn’t there. 

Baby feeding: Hype vs. reality

This map applied perfectly to my relationship with breastfeeding and pumping.

And to find what approaches made sense for my situation. 

4th Mom Memos adaptation of a Gartner Hype Cycle, applied to breastfeeding
Source: My adaptation of a Gartner Hype Cycle for breastfeeding

Interestingly, my timeline and stable routine changed each time because my – and my baby’s – circumstances varied. With two of my kids, I exclusively breastfed until about 6 months. For the other two – not at all.

To illustrate what it can be like, here’s how my feeding journey looked my first time around: 

Trigger – Pregnant

Like most new moms, I planned to breastfeed. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) advises exclusive breastfeeding until babies are about 6 months old. 

And, of course – I aim to win at mom-ing, so I expect to do this too. I think of formula as a terrible poison that we don’t need. 

Peak Inflated Expectations – Feeding starts

Two days after my delivery, I’m waiting for my milk to come in and figuring out how to latch. All while my tiny girl is too tired to eat for very long. 

The nurses tell me to keep trying to feed her every 2 hours, pumping and breastfeeding. They’re the experts, and this sounds reasonable –  I’ve got this. 

Disillusionment – Pain & challenges set in

Fast forward a week, and I’m engorged with a painful blocked duct. I’m also scabbed over, so it really hurts to feed. 

And my baby wants to eat every 90 minutes… I’ve never been so sleep-deprived. 

I learn breastfeeding could take a grueling toll on moms. But that conversation is overlooked in baby guidelines like this. I ignore my concerns because I want to win at being a mom.

In retrospect, it wasn’t a well thought out plan because my challenges worsened when I returned to work.

Since I had focused so much on natural feeding, my baby wouldn’t take a bottle or formula. Both were too foreign to her. Sending her to daycare was a horrible adjustment. 

Enlightenment – Find solutions

I learn to recognize when my baby is eating versus using me as a pacifier so I can avoid getting too sore. I also pumped so my husband could take an evening feeding while I slept. 

And we coaxed our baby into using a bottle and taking formula by mixing it with breastmilk. This relieved a lot of stress when I traveled for work. 

Productivity Plateau – Stable routine

Eventually, about 5 months in, I found a rhythm. I had calendar blocks for pumping, feeding felt easy, and my baby was finally happy with a bottle.

Now, to illustrate how different each time can be, let’s fast-forward (4 kids later) to my son.


I’m confident. I find a quiet, hands-free pump (because I’ve learned the features I need), formula, and bottles.

Feeding starts

Once my milk is in, I also give my baby formula so my husband can take some feedings – without pre-planning.

This time I avoid getting sore or engorged, partly because I give him a pacifier to soothe. This approach is probably against new parent recommendations somewhere, but whatever. He’s happy and gaining weight.

Pain & challenges set in

A week in, my son started projectile vomiting. I didn’t know babies had the muscle strength to do that – it looks like a low-budget horror movie. So now I get a towel to feed.  

On my first work trip, I realize my new pump doesn’t work while charging… ugh. Now I have to pack a hand pump for when the battery dies. 

Find solutions

I stop bothering to pump at work unless I’m traveling or desperate. My son eats ½ formula and ½ breastmilk. He’s happy, and my schedule is way less stressful. 

I’ve realized that taking care of myself helps me better take care of my kid.

Stable routine

I have a rhythm down within a few weeks after birth. The La Leche League would hate my mixed approach – and I don’t care anymore. 

When I’m less stressed, my baby keys off of that and is more content too. 

Through these experiences, I’ve learned that winning at mom-ing isn’t about total adherence to abstract guidelines – that sometimes, they’re overhyped.

Especially when reminded that for much of the 20th century, formula feeding was encouraged. By 1971, only about 1 in 4 US babies were breastfed at all – and only 15% of babies were still breastfed by the time they were 3 months old.

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